Friendships, when’s the right time to say goodbye?

A little while ago I wrote about a toxic friend and how I really need to cut them loose. It’s a friendship which is negative and makes me very unhappy. I’ve realised over time that I have unwittingly found myself with some quite negative people. Don’t get me wrong, some of my chums, most of them are ace, but some are upsettingly negative. I’m not sure if they mean to be or not, but they are.

There’s an undercurrent of gloom. An unspoken need to do me down a little bit, keep me in my place. They know my self esteem is rock bottom and fragile, so there’s a part of me that wonders if they do this on purpose. Maybe they’re just so messed up themselves that they have to feel altogether superior to someone else. That inferior person is just me.

My triumphs may be small, but they are my triumphs. I may not earn their money or get to go to the places they do. I may not be skinny, or beautiful, or glamorous, or even exciting. I am me, living my little life with my little family, trying to make the best out of the cards I’ve been dealt.

It really annoys me and frankly disappoints me that a “friend” can be so dismissive of me and what I do, but in the same breath expect me to fire off a party popper every time something nice happens to them. And I do. But what’s that about?

Decisions need to be made. I think a reshuffle of my friendship cabinet is in order. But life never runs on straight lines, friendships are forever changing; coming and going. Maybe it’s time this one was going.


6 responses to “Friendships, when’s the right time to say goodbye?

  1. I think friendships are in some ways the same as relationships- sometimes you’re compatible and sometimes not. Sometimes you think you are, but then over time you grow apart or things grow difficult. Reading your words was like reading an exact description of how I’ve felt about one or two friendships in the past! The ironic thing is, despite the constant put downs, they won’t like it either when you try and back off…it’s all about control I guess. You’re a v strong person and don’t forget it!

  2. you don’t need that type of BS dude. i read a quote which said something about notice who doesn’t clap when you win and it really stuck with me. to me, friendships are about being there for each other through good and bad.

    you are fabulous friend and i’ve noticed you always make me feel good about myself, i really love that about you. keep doing you and drop the people who want you to be as miserable as them as quick as you can x

  3. Life is too short to hold onto negative people. I have realised who I am and if people can’t can’t accept you and celebrate who you are then you need to take out the toxic people. If you are happy then that is all that matters.

  4. I know exactly where you are coming from!! I have a similar situation. The only trouble is, I can’t cut some out without losing people who are lovely. I have been pondering if I’m having a midlife crisis as I just feel there are very few people at the mo I can really call friends. I guess it’s a case that we only have a handful of friends in life and a lot of acquaintances. It is just upsetting when you have valued them higher isn’t it xx

  5. I called time on a toxic friendship about 18 months ago. I’ve never looked back. It wasn’t that she was negative towards me but the relationship was constantly emotionally draining with no real payoff. X

  6. Just left you a long reply and lost it – rubbish – basically I agree – lots of people you think are friends are just acquaintances. A friend loves you and values you. I value my friends and prefer fewer of the genuine variety and having been totally house and work bound recently I really know who they are!!!! Be happy Jane you are lovely – just the way you are xxxx

Hey! Hey! What've you got to say? I love your comments.....