A Year…

It’s been a year since I fell apart. A year since I spun recklessly out of control and off the rails. A year since my mind raced and I struggled to keep up. A year since I made every mistake possible. A year since I begged my GP for help. A year since my GP gave me sleeping tablets instead of the anxiety medication I so desperately needed.

It’s been a year since my husband would come home from work and I’d run out of the house to escape its oppressive walls. A year since I started heavily self medicating with alcohol. A year since I made poor choices. A year since I started cutting myself. A year since I counted the correct number of tablets I’d need to kill myself. A year since I was nearly driven to that.

It’s been a year since I really worried my husband. A year since I worried my family. A year since my friends grew concerned. A year since strangers from Twitter saved me from harm.

It’s been a year since I looked at my son and thought he’d be better off without me.

In the last year I’ve come back from the brink. In the last year I’ve grown stronger. In the last year I’ve discovered heaven and hell. In the last year I’ve learned so much about me. In the last year I’ve tried to atone. In the last year I’ve worked to recover.

In the next year I’ll try and get stronger. In the next year I’ll try to be better. In the next year I’ll try to get better. In the next year I’ll recover some more.

Recovery

15 responses to “A Year…

  1. What a brave,raw & honest post, you should be so proud of how far you have come in a year, I wish you all the best in your recovery x

  2. Beautiful, honest, raw and very moving! Had me in tears! Sending huge hugs. You are amazing to get through it and it sounds like you are stronger than ever before, Keep going lovely lady, keep going! XX

  3. Iona@Redpeffer

    That quote is perfect and so true. Hang in there.

  4. Congratulations on what you’ve accomplished! That’s awesome! It’s good to take an inventory, to lay it all down, then see all the positives and keep hanging on to them. We all fall down, get up, fall down, get up! Here’s to another good year!

  5. Love this. Congrats on getting through it. Never stop getting up again, no matter how many times you fall down 🙂 x

  6. Stay strong lady xxx 🙂

  7. You sound like you have come so far and been so strong and determind by what I’ve read here. What happens if it’s at least 3 very evident cracks and yet the 3 medical professionals who were supposed to have helped didn’t care enough or wouldn’t admit to not knowing enough to bother? How did you get yourself over the worst of the anxiety without Dr’s help hon? Any advice? I’m 33 and all my efforts (and my parents efforts) to get me help with various things have led no where. I’m at a complete loss.

  8. I’m so glad that you came back from the brink, and I hope you keep getting stronger and better.

  9. Wow, what a post. So honest and true and heartfelt, you made me cry. I hope this next year is amazing for you X

  10. Your post is so honest and heartfelt. I am moved to tears. I hope you recover soon.

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