Sometimes I get so angry and frustrated with life that I can feel the rage bubbling up. I don’t want to hurt anyone, and I never would, but I want to take myself into the garden and bayonet the hell out of a sack of straw, I think that’d make me feel a whole lot better.
I don’t know where this anger has come from, it’s weird because I’m normally really laid back and have such a live and let live attitude that most things just sort of wash over me. These days I get so angry. I hate made to feel worthless, I hate double standards, I’m usually at the wrong end of the double standard anyway somehow.
I hate being ignored and not listened to. I hate being used, picked up and put down when someone gets bored. The people who do this cannot possibly be my friends, but somehow they are, somehow I give them space in my life and permission to treat me like crap time after time.
I think of myself as reasonably articulate, but people twist my words and use them against me. People think they are superior to me in every way, but if they really were superior to me then they wouldn’t treat me that way.
And the rage, I can’t express it (with bayonets and such like) so I internalise it. It sits inside me and simmers and eats away at me. It feeds my anxiety which fuels my depression and everything, every single thing about this makes me feel terrible. I’m a terrible human being.
Sometimes I think I should go to anger management classes or something, but then maybe I think other people should go to basic manners and pleasant human interaction classes instead, and then that’s two problems solved. If people weren’t complete and utter (insert suitable swear word here), then I wouldn’t feel quite so angry, quite so often.