Yet another beauty fail

I am one of those peculiar women who don’t really do make up or beauty. At a push I might sling a bit of mascara and lip gloss on, friends know if this has happened it is a really big occasion, like a wedding or a state funeral. Occasionally I think I ought to make an effort so I buy something, play with it once, realise I look like Coco the Clown and stick it in a drawer until it goes off. I do not do beautification.

Despite all this, in my Christmas stocking this year I found a selection of nail varnishes. I bite my nails so I’m not really one for trying to draw attention to this by painting them bright red, so it was a curious gift in the first place. One of my nail varnishes was a Rimmel one, which promised “sugar textured nails”. Interesting, or so I thought.

It’s a school mums night out tonight and I’m keen to try and blend in a bit. I’ve bought a flowery top, some new jeggings and my Christmas boots arrived today. I even tried (and failed) to dye my hair a sensible mumsy brown colour, but it went bright red. I’ve already failed at trying to blend in. Darn it.

Tonight is one of those rare mascara and lip gloss evenings, so I thought I’d try out my new “sugar textured nail varnish”. Now if you’ve spotted this stuff in the shops and considered buying it, let me stop you right there madam. I have some points for you to consider.

Do you want nails that feel like sandpaper? Are you wanting to exfoliate small areas of your body using just your nails? Do you have a rough bit of wood that needs smoothing? Do you want to ladder your tights with your nails before you’ve even put them on? Additionally, do you want a strange, particularly unattractive looking finish to your nails? Do you want to try a nail varnish once, mutter rude things about it, then sling it in the bin? If so then look no further, I’ve found the very thing for you!

I’ll keep it on for tonight, thankful I’m not wearing tights and I have that rough patch of skin on my elbow I can have a go at while I’m out. Tomorrow the blasted stuff is coming off. So if anyone wants a slightly used bottle of sugar textured nail varnish I’ve got a bottle, free to a good home.

Rimmel Sugar Coated Nail Varnish 1/10 and I’m being generous.

Sugar textured nail varnish