Spoof school newsletter

Last Updated on January 6, 2016 by HodgePodgeDays

This is an entirely fictional school newsletter, absolutely not based on any school I know or am associated with, it’s just some silliness I had in my head….

Dear Parent or Guardian,

It’s been another fine week at HodgePodgeDays County Primary, we have lots of news to share with you, so please do read to the end. Don’t just scan it, sigh, say “another non-uniform day”, tut and then put this in the bin. 

After school clubs:

As this is the start of term we have some spaces available in the following after school clubs. See Mrs Meh to reserve a place for your gifted and talented child.

Beginners Dressage – Mondays
Intermediate Quinoa – Tuesdays
Introduction to contouring – Wednesdays
Harpsichord (all levels) – Thursdays
Gilet styling – Alternate Fridays

non-uniform days:

The non-uniform days this month will be –

Friday 8th January
Friday 15th January
Friday 22nd January
Wednesday 27th January 

Don’t forget that Monday the 18th January is dress as a Roman Centurion Day and Friday 29th is “Dress as a Squirrel Day” red or grey, entirely your choice. Remember if your child fails to dress up on these days they will be forced to wear their vest and pants instead. 

Children may wear whatever they want on non-uniform days apart from football shirts (too common), Primarni (too common) or “Pony” trainers (they will be mocked by their peers). Please bring a bottle of wine and £5 as payment on non-uniform day for being allowed to wear their own clothes.

PTA NEWS:

There are lots of exciting events being organised by the PTA this term, including a Masquerade Ball which costs £300 a ticket, be there or be square. During half term there will be an exclusive bring and share supper at Vanessa’s house, it’s very kind of Vanessa to host this exclusive event (by invitation only). On Saturday 16th January there will be a jumble sale for those too poor to contribute appropriately to the school budget. We know who you are, although we won’t ever speak to you in the playground.

NOBBY THE RABBIT:

We are looking for volunteers to take Nobby the rabbit home at weekends and school holiday. See Mrs Shambles in the school office if you’d like to join the rota.

INSET DAY:

The next school inset day will be on Monday 18th January. Teachers need this vital protected time to attend a special Bikram Yoga session and undertake specialist training in mindfulness doodling. Please arrange for Nanny to take the older siblings that day.

Plebby the recEption teddy:

The Reception class mascot “Plebby the Teddy” has been going on lots of exciting adventures recently, all of which are contributing to Plebby’s personal and social education and development. In no way is taking Plebby home an exercise in competitive parenting, but we have noted that Plebby has been having a few too many sessions of “eating biscuits whilst watching CBeebies” and not enough “stretch and grow ” sessions or trips to the Opera. Remember parents, Plebby also needs help with her Latin homework too!

In other news, preparations continue apace for “World I Saw The Film But Didn’t Read The Book Day“, which fictional character will your child pretend to be? Also don’t forget to cheer on Julian and Jemima at the annual county gymkhana this weekend, I’m sure they’d appreciate your support!

That’s all the news for this week parents and/or guardians, have a great weekend whilst the au pair is off. 

Yours in faithful service,

Mrs Humdrum
Headmistress