Last Updated on June 14, 2016 by HodgePodgeDays
I feel like a bit of a fraud. There are people around me with real problems making a better fist of this life than me. Yes, ok so I got dealt a bad hand, but life could be a helluva lot worse and I feel like I’m full of first world problems and petty rubbish.
Right now I’m feeling overwhelmed by life. Struggling to cling onto the safety raft, my fingers keep slipping and I keep floating away before someone grabs me and pulls me back. Drowning, I feel like I’m drowning. I’ve felt like this for a couple of weeks, I did think that it was hormonal, but I don’t think it is, not entirely. I did think it was because I’d had a big drink one night, and maybe that didn’t help, because it does negatively affect my mood. I just think I’m overwhelmed and instead of methodically working my way through everything, my brain has just thrown me into the anxiety deep end with a dodgy floatation device.
Here I am, struggling to focus, struggling to breathe, my mind racing and racing and racing. There are real people with real problems and I can’t breathe and I feel so selfish. Anxiety makes you selfish though. It makes you want to scream out and stamp your feet, it overwhelms you and takes over everything you think and do. I’m in another anxiety spiral and I’m tumbling and tumbling through it all. Trapped in the rip tide and I can’t escape it.
The self care kicks in. Pills for sleep. Pills for pain. Caffeine to wake me up. Go for a walk. Walk, keep walking, breathe the fresh air, walk, breathe, walk, repeat until calmer. Do something nice, hug the small boy, laugh together, watch the stars in the sky. Remember how small you are in the universe and how big and important you are to some people. Walk, breathe, walk, love. Be loved. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat until calm.
Repeat until calm. Repeat until calm.
Repeat.
🙁 I wish I had something clever and soothing to say. Some magic sentence that would put everything into sharp relief, and the way through would be lit up like 1000 twinkling lights in a huge Arctic sky. I wish I could breathe that cool air myself, and fill my lungs with the freshness it carries. Until calm xx
Other people’s problems aren’t bigger than yours if you’re not the one dealing with them. Anxiety makes you selfish because you need to be selfish to survive to get through it and overcome those feelings and you will. It may not be as quick as you would like but you are doing the right things, you are focusing on what is important and you are expressing how you feel. Just know that you have love from your friends and we are always hear for you xx
*here
I do so 100% agree with everything you said and you said it beautifully. I wish I could send you a picture of where I go when I go there because it’s incredible.
I had a huge chest pain yesterday and burst into tears, but I knew it was anxiety too so my husband took me for a long walk to the beach. We live near there, so we are very lucky – yes, walking, breathing, holding hands, loving, being there for each other and just listening to the waves. I love your blog and you are so right……loving, breathing, walking, JUST BEING does it for me too xxxxxx wishing you all the very best!
Sweetie sorry to hear you are feeling this way. I love that you are so honest on your blog, and I am here for you with chocolate, tea, gin or just a virtual hug x