Category: Mental Health

Stress Reset – Switching Off Survival Mode by Elle Kay

This programme was gifted to me, but all images and opinions are my own. 

If you Google “most stressful life events,” it’s basically a bingo card of the last year of my life – and I’ve pretty much got a full house. From my mum being very poorly for a few years and passing away suddenly (but expectedly) in February, to the world’s longest divorce, moving house twice in six months, and working four jobs to make ends meet… it’s been a lot.

To the surprise of absolutely no one, at the start of June I completely crashed and burned. I woke up one morning, switched on my laptop to do some work, and just thought, “I can’t do this anymore.” I contacted my GP, got signed off with stress, and tried to figure out how to fix myself in a month. I knew a month wouldn’t even scratch the surface, but I needed a plan – something to help keep me sane over the coming months.

So, I decided to be a bit selfish. I joined a gym (still haven’t been), made myself take the dog out for three or four walks a day, and forced myself to shower, clean the house, and put fresh bedding on regularly. I did some gardening, watched a bit of telly, and cooked myself nice food – mostly to balance out my burgeoning Wagon Wheel habit.

Stress reset Elle Kay

While it was nice to take some time for myself, it didn’t feel like I was really sorting anything out. I knew I probably needed therapy, but that was expensive and funds were tight. Then I spoke to hypnotist Elle Kay, and she set me on a really good path to help me calm the heck down, deal with the feelings of overwhelm, and reset myself a bit.

Elle Kay is a certified and registered hypnotist with a range of different programmes on her website. When I spoke to her, she recommended the Stress Reset, which helps you switch off survival mode, deal with overwhelm, and find some long-term calm.

When I read the blurb, everything suddenly made sense. I’d been living off my nerves (and Wagon Wheels) for months. I was constantly anxious and panicked, always waiting for something else to go wrong. I was holding my world together – just about – and everything was carefully balanced… until it wasn’t. Until I wasn’t.

I waited until I was home alone and began the two-week programme. In Week One, there’s a workbook to download and three audio files to listen to. You’re encouraged to listen to at least one a day during the first week – sometimes I listened to them all if I had time.

Stress reset Elle Kay

The first time I listened, I got comfy on my bed and pressed play. I closed my eyes and let the words wash over me. Hearing phrases about how safe I was now really resonated – and I shed a few tears. I listened all the way through, and even though you’re meant to wake up at the end, I just turned over and fell into a deep, much-needed two-hour sleep. I was utterly exhausted – and had been for a long time. I was so grateful to finally rest and switch everything off for a while. I had high hopes that the Stress Reset would be a key part of getting back on track.

I continued with the audio sessions each day, mostly in the evenings to help me wind down. There’s a sleep audio and a subliminal one, which is 20 minutes of lovely, relaxing music. All the recordings are deeply soothing and great for winding down after a tough day.

Week One went well. I genuinely enjoyed the sessions. It was wonderful to set aside time each day just for me – to relax, unwind, and begin to unpick some of the causes of my stress. I was sleeping better than I had in years and felt hopeful again. I was looking forward to Week Two… but then my son and partner both arrived separately to stay for a week. It turns out that life with them is pretty incompatible with me having much time to myself.

Between working, cooking, cleaning, and making sure their needs were met, there was no time left for me. Even bedtimes weren’t my own, and I couldn’t manage even a single 20-minute session of quiet time. That week, I barely slept, my stress levels spiked, and my fragile sense of calm shattered. I think we might have identified part of my problem! I love being with the boys, but I also need to carve out time for myself going forward.

Once they’d both gone, the first thing I did was spend a couple of days re-listening to the Week One audio files – just to get myself back to where I was. It was bliss. I slept, I felt calmer, and I was ready to tackle Week Two.

Week Two is about making calm your new default. I knew this would be a challenge, but again I settled in and let Elle’s words ripple over me like calm waves. This week focused on setting new patterns for the future – continuing to calm my nervous system and move myself out of survival mode.

Home

Even though it’s a two-week programme, Elle encourages you to keep listening as often as you need to afterwards. I’m planning to keep it up and listen to at least one audio a day. I’ve found the programme deeply relaxing – it’s massively helped my sleep, and I’m even waking up feeling a bit more refreshed.

I think my stress levels had become dangerously high, and climbing out of the hole I was in will take time – definitely more than two weeks. But the Stress Reset has lit the path towards my recovery. It’s helped me step back from simply surviving and lurching from one crisis to the next. It’s made me realise that life isn’t just about getting through, it’s about remembering that I am safe now, and that things can and will get better.

Elle Kay’s Stress Reset costs £47. You get to keep the audio files and workbooks to use for as long as you like. For less than the cost of a single hour with a therapist, I’ve taken some very real steps toward finding and maintaining inner calm. I’ve stepped out of survival mode, and I’m starting to feel more like myself again.

This has genuinely been a life-saver. A life saver.

You can find out more about the Stress Reset programme, Elle Kay, and examples of other programmes on her website. If you’re struggling, then I can’t recommend the Stress Reset enough. It’s changed my life, and that’s no exaggeration.

PS. I went back to the gym this morning. Look at me go!

24 Positive Affirmations for Advent

As much as December is a lovely, glittery, warm time of the year, for many people it’s also a time for stress or hardship. I know as a busy mum, I’m usually the last person I get to treat well. I’m so busy rushing around making sure everyone else has the perfect Christmas that I usually end up neglecting myself. I know that once I hit peak exhaustion, my mental health can start to take a hit.

Sometimes, when things start to get on top of me, I remember that as twee as it sounds, affirmations can help. What I like to do is write down positive affirmations on little pieces of paper or card and pop them in a jar. Each day I pull out a new affirmation, read it and put it in my pocket to look at again when I have a moment later, when I need reminding that I am good enough, or that anything is possible.

24 Positive Affirmations for Advent

Download your free sheet of 24 positive affirmations for Advent here!

They remind me a little of the little scraps of paper you get in fortune cookies, and I don’t think that’s a bad thing. Whatever you do this Christmas, please do find time to be kind to yourself. Self care is so important, especially when your energy reserves are running low.

24 Positive Affirmations for Advent

  1. Say YES to new adventures
  2. I value myself
  3. Do it for your future self
  4. We rise by lifting others
  5. Good things are coming
  6. Remember you are amazing
  7. Be kind and be kindest to yourself
  8. You are enough
  9. You are entirely up to you
  10. You deserve happiness
  11. Today is going to be a great day
  12. Be present and take a deep breath
  13. You’re doing great
  14. I choose to be happy and love myself today
  15. I believe in myself
  16. Anything is possible
  17. I am grateful for the life I have
  18. I accept myself as I am
  19. Today is a new beginning
  20. Forgive yourself for your mistakes
  21. All of your problems have solutions
  22. My challenges help me grow
  23. I am in control
  24. I will get through today

Download your free sheet of 24 positive affirmations for Advent here!

If you liked this, you might also like these 24 acts of kindness for Advent. Merry Christmas!

50 ways to stay sane during lockdown

At New Year, Manchester was put into Tier 4, which is effectively lockdown. The tree lights were still twinkling from Christmas and the reality of a snow filled, largely housebound January hadn’t hit me yet. Three days into 2021, I’m starting to worry that a month or more of staying in, being sensible and sitting on my hands might drive me a bit loopy. How am I going to stay sane during lockdown, or Tier 4, or whatever we call it in the future?

50 ways to stay sane during lockdown

50 ways to stay sane during lockdown

  1. Mask up and get out for your daily dose of government mandated exercise.
  2. Keep in touch with friends, ok so we are Zoomed out, but message, text or call the people who give you joy.
  3. Plan your days properly, make sure you have something to do each day. Have a purpose and something to look forward to.
  4. It’s almost spring, so now is the time to spring clean. Polish those windows, scrub that grout. It’s not exciting, but it’s something to do.
  5. Likewise, declutter. Empty the wardrobe and have a good sort out.
  6. Laugh. Watch a comedy DVD. My go to is Greg Davies, he makes me howl.
  7. DIY is also a good thing to turn your attention to. Put those shelves up, fix that broken curtain rail, bleed your radiators.
  8. Download some mediation apps and practice some self care. Learning to find peace in your own company can be a godsend.
  9. Challenge yourself to do an act of kindness each day, or a couple a week. Spreading kindness helps.
  10. Have regular board game nights, take it in turns to choose and maybe make a trophy for the winner.
  11. Learn something new. Online learning isn’t just for kids, have a look at the Open University, FutureLearn or similar, there’s bound to be something to tickle your fancy.
  12. Keep positive. It’s hard to stay sane during lockdown, but if you challenge yourself to come up with three good things each day, then write them down, it helps to look back and remember it’s not all bad.
  13. Menu plan. It’s not an exciting thing, but if you plan your meals for the next month it makes you feel more organised and gives you tasty things to look forward to.
  14. Read a book, set yourself a goal and maybe read a book a week.
  15. Plan future fun things. Life is always better for me when I have things to look forward to. Plan some holidays and days out, you might not be able to book it yet, but planning is half the fun. Where will you stay, where will you eat, what would you like to see and do?
  16. Have regular family film nights, get popcorn and take it in turns to choose the film.
  17. Find an online exercise class and make yourself do it, daily, weekly, whatever.
  18. Your favourite restaurant is closed, so why not cook your favourite dish from their menu and dress up like you’re going out.
  19. Start a journal to explore your feelings about lockdown and other life things.
  20. Learn to bake bread/banana bread/whatever cake you like.
  21. Joint an online art class. A friend of mine has taught herself to paint (exceptionally well) during lockdown.
  22. Write. It’s said that everyone has a book in them, if you’re stuck at home during lockdown, now might be the time to bash out a bestseller or begin a journal.
  23. Buy some puzzle books and take up mental agility. An occupied brain is one which is less likely to flap about the misery of lockdown.
  24. Discover new podcasts.
  25. Go for a walk somewhere (local and) new. Walking around the same place gets very boring very quickly.
  26. Learn some sign language. Just a few words can help you communicate with others who cannot speak or hear.
  27. Plan a vegetable garden, it’s winter now, but now is the time to decide what you want to grow and eat in your garden. Pour over seed catalogues and get planning.
  28. Take your dog for a walk, if you don’t have one, borrow a dog from someone you know.
  29. Have a home spa day, pamper yourself with a face mask and a nice bath, and all the things you miss, like a manicure.
  30. Make sure you’re getting your five a day by trying new fruit. Ever had a lychee or dragonfruit? How’s the chance to give new things a try.
  31. Embrace mindfulness, do some adult colouring or do some crafts to keep your occupied.
  32. Listen to some music you’ve not heard for ages. Maybe pick a year and listen to some of the bestselling albums from then. Discover new music or just rediscover some classics you used to love.
  33. Take family portraits. You don’t need a fancy camera, your phone will do, but why not play about with different styles of photos of your family. If you don’t want to take photos, you could always try painting portraits of your nearest and dearest.
  34. Meditate or pray, find ways to feed your spiritual side.
  35. Do a jigsaw puzzle, make it a challenging one.
  36. Listen to an audiobook. You can often download them from your local library.
  37. Feed the birds. If you’ve got a garden or access to some outside space, fill your bird feeders up and enjoy watching the resulting wildlife.
  38. Binge a new TV series or two.
  39. Do some life admin. Now is the time to change energy supplier, find cheaper car insurance, write your will or whatever you’ve been meaning to do for a while.
  40. Set up a home disco night with optional karaoke if you have the technology.
  41. Write actual pen and paper letters to people and post them off.
  42. Get some sleep. Grab early nights and late mornings if you can, find a good sleep routine for you and do it every night.
  43. It’s been done to death, but a Zoom night with your friends can help. My craft club did an online craft night which worked well.
  44. Try laughter yoga. Yes it is bonkers, but it can really help you process built up emotions and you’ll have the best nights sleep after.
  45. Eat the frog. No not the actual frog, find the courage to do the thing you’ve been putting off forever. Now is the time.
  46. Submit your tax return. Yes, I know it’s not very exciting, but if you work for yourself then it is a practical and necessary use of your time. Sorry.
  47. Shop till you drop. Online and local is best, but there might be some January sale bargains to be had, and let’s face it, we all need new comfy clothes to lockdown in.
  48. Order a recipe box and try new recipes for meals you wouldn’t normally eat. Or try a new recipe each week. Expand your repertoire of tasty evening meals.
  49. Make time to really focus on spending time with the people in your household and talk with them and really listen. Share time and make it special for them too.
  50. Remember it’s ok to do nothing, if all you achieve at the end of this Covid nightmare is survival, then that’s a brilliant achievement. Well done. Don’t beat yourself up for not learning a new language or recreating the Taj Mahal in matchsticks.

What keeps you sane? I’d love to know your tips for how to stay sane during lockdown.

50 ways to stay sane during lockdown

Mental Health: Bracing myself for 2020

One of the great things about therapy is that I’ve really started to get to know myself. Whenever I have a wobble these days, I can usually trace it back to something problematic from deep within my psyche. This is hugely helpful, for so many years now I’ve just been bouncing from one source of anxiety to the next; like a nervy little ball in a pinball machine. I’m better now, but not completely.

Since the year turned from 2019 to 2020, a whole heap of anxiety has dumped itself at my feet. 2019 was a year of quite radical change for me and 2020 should see all the seeds of the new life I planted last year grow into something different and hopefully something beautiful this year.

With a couple of weeks until my next therapy session, it’s up to me to try and unpick what all of my current anxiety is about all by myself. This is probably not a bad thing, therapy is partly about giving me the tools to stand on my own two feet and to be able to understand what’s going on with me better.

Unsurprisingly, my current levels of anxiety are all about change; my ability to manage myself over the next year and all that it will throw at me. I’ve got to get things right this year and I’m pretty terrified of cocking everything up and leaving a heap of angry and upset people in my wake.

One of the things therapy has taught me is that I am not responsible for other people’s issues.

I’ll say that again. I am not responsible for other people’s issues.

In the past I would merrily take on other people’s anxiety, anger, criticism of me, whatever and let that negativity sit on me and with me. I would take everything personally, even now I ache inside when I feel like I’ve not met expectations, let someone down or annoyed them. There’s a very damaged part of me who is so eager to please, but knows deep down whatever I do it will not be good enough. I will never be good enough.

It doesn’t take much for me to feel this way. Right now I feel like this. In the past the way to stop the anxiety spiral was to do something destructive or harmful to myself. That urge hasn’t gone and I’m not sure it ever will, but I am better at distracting myself from that path.

When I feel that I’m not good enough, I need to know that I am, and that is one of the things I am working on right now. It would be nice to hear it from other people though. You ARE good at your job. You ARE a great mum. You ARE a good friend. You ARE good enough. You CAN do this. Even typing this emboldens me. I am good enough, and I can do all of the things I need to do. I really, really am good enough.

Learning how to be an emotionally well adult is something which takes place during childhood and there’s a whole chunk of learning I’ve missed out on. I’ll get there though, with the help of my therapist and the people around me who love and care for me.

It will all be ok

Mental Health Update: I’m sorry for neglecting you

Having a blog is a bit like having a dog. You need to feed it regularly, take it out on walks and give it some love on a regular basis. If I forget to do any of those things with my dog, she usually finds a way to remind me. My blog generally doesn’t do that, it sits there looking a bit mournful and neglected and every so often I look up from my fug and feel a bit bad about it all.

My two week break from blogging in April has somehow turned into a summer of more of less not doing very much and now here we are, it’s October and it’s still looking as empty and unloved as the salad compartment of my fridge.

The truth is, I don’t trust myself to write at the moment. For many months I’ve been struggling with the contents of my head. At times I am almost paralysed with anxiety and it’s all I can do to get up and pretend to function within the four walls of my house, let alone type words about my feelings and what’s going on and sharing them with the outside world. Sometimes just thinking and acknowledging those thoughts to myself is about as overwhelming as it gets.

I am overwhelmed. My to do list of life admin is enormous and getting longer each day, each week. I focus on small goals, things I can achieve. It feels like I’m going nowhere and doing nothing each week, but then I step back and look at all the things I’ve done and achieved in that time and sometimes it’s actually quite impressive.

So I carry on, keeping my head down, ploughing through the life admin and ignoring my blog. I started writing this blog in June 2013, it began as a way for me to write down my feelings and work through some of the inner torment I was experiencing at the time. Slowly it turned into a business and the way I earned a living and supported my family, it became less about the contents of my head and more about things, which is fine. Every so often I’d write an update, a personal post. This is one of them I guess.

This is me saying I’m sorry for not being who I was. I’m sorry for not working harder and writing more and doing the crafts, and the recipes and the fun days out stuff. I’m overwhelmed and it’s really hard for me to admit that. We are not meant to be overwhelmed, we are meant to just be able to just cope with everything aren’t we?

I’ve never lived that Instagram perfect life and I wouldn’t want to. I enjoy being flawed because that’s who I am and that’s why my friends love me, because my house is a bit chaotic and because I’m real. It does mean that for now at least I’m a bad blogger. I’m just busy focusing on the big life stuff and the little life stuff and just keeping the threads of my existence together enough for me to pick my boy up from school without falling apart in front of the whole playground. Some days good, some days bad.

I don’t intend to give up my blog, I’ve got about six blog posts I’m quietly working on at the moment and I’ve probably got another 6000 in me. But for now I’m working on the sorting my life out thing and I hope you’ll still be there when I’ve done that and I’m back. I will be back, properly back, I’m just not sure when though. Take care xx

PS. Watch The Motherland on BBC2, you won’t regret it.

Overwhelmed anxiety

 

Today I learned a lesson about love…

I was at the gym this morning and something really big happened to me. It’s a bit of a story, a story about love, so pull up a chair and hug your brew.

Monday is the day I usually do two dance classes and a tai chi class. I’d dragged myself to the gym in pain, half way through my first class my back spasmed and my right knee gave out. Being the determined little bunny I am, I cracked on with the class. I might not have jumped, twisted and shimmied like I’d normally do, but I was determined to finish.

After my second dance class there’s a 15 minute pause before tai chi. I usually grab a mat, lie on the floor and stretch my back out for a bit. I did just that and whilst I was full of frustration and anger about hurting myself, despite wanting to pick myself up and go home, something made me stay for the tai chi.

The class began and after about 20 moves my knee made a massive clicking noise and the pain went. My back wasn’t feeling too bad either. I concentrated on the flowing movements and my breath, knowing that this 45 minute class is my one chance this week to empty my mind and quiet the shouting of my inner anxiety voice.

When I’m doing tai chi all I can really do is concentrate on the movements and breathe. About 25 minutes into the class my head emptied and a voice, maybe my inner voice kept telling me I was getting stronger and better, not for anyone, or because of anyone, but because I deserved it. I was doing it just for me, and that made me cry. Fat silent tears ran down my cheeks for several minutes while I held myself in that moment.

Only a very small group of very close people know I’m having a lot of treatment at the moment and going through some things. There have been some incredible people who have been with me throughout. I listed these fine people in my head and I began to cry again.

These people, these good friends who message me and check I’m ok are amazing. Call me soft if you want, but it occurred to me that this is what real love and friendship really is.

I thought about my son, when he was born and I held him, looked into his eyes and fell deeply in love with him. I thought then that I knew what pure love was, I was right, my son taught me a lesson about how to love other people, what unconditional love felt like to give, but I’ve never really been sure that I have ever received that.

My good friends are the ones who cheer for me, lift me, hold my hand, listen to my woes and tell me to get out there and kick some ass. I realised that each of them love me and they love me unconditionally. There’s no expectation that their love and friendship comes at a price. I don’t need to be thinner for them, or fitter, or more well-read; or do the washing up straight after dinner or whatever. They love and care for me exactly as I am.

Sure, I know each one of them probably hopes and wishes that I will find a peace, live pain free, and that I get as fit as I’d like to be; but they don’t need that to be a part of our relationship. I am perfect as I am, to them at least. So I cried all the way home knowing and understanding that for the first time in my life I have recognised that I am loved, and what’s more, I am loved unconditionally.

Today has been a real day of days. I’ve acknowledged that all the hard work and pain I’m going through now is just for me and not to please or appease a single other soul, and I’ve realised that I am loved and cared for. These are huge things.

Knowing and understanding that I am loved is really grounding. These are solid foundations I can build on. Today really feels like a massive turning point in my journey back to wellness. I feel full of love and I’m ready to start building on that. Bring it on.

Today I learned a lesson about love...

Anxiety, bravery and becoming bold again

I’ve had what can only be described as a bit of a nightmare of a week. Well the last month or so has been pretty nightmarish, but still, here I am. I lost a friend, a good friend. A good man died and left a hole in my life which will probably always be there. As a result two things happened. I found out who my friends were and those friends have been exceptionally kind and supportive. The second thing that happened was I realised how brave I can be.

What my life has lacked in recent years is bravery. I get called brave all the time. I have chronic pain and people tell me that living with it is an act of bravery, it’s not, not really. I don’t really have any other options, live with it or not live and that’s no choice at all. What it has done is made my life small. I exist within a tiny set of parameters and over the years this has made my life smaller than it should be. I don’t travel much these days, I hardly socialise, I have a set routine and a small life.

Despite my small life, over the last few months I’ve been getting fitter and stronger. My pain, whilst still there every day seems less than it was, though sometimes it still overwhelms me. I know my limits, but I’m beginning to push them a little and that feels good.

This week I put on my best brave face and went to a funeral with some friends in deepest darkest Yorkshire. The funeral was especially hard, but one of the things that stressed me out the most was getting there.

Trundling off into another county by myself, whilst not a big deal for most people was a pretty big deal for me. I have a lot of anxiety about travel, catching trains, getting to places on time. Have I bought the right ticket? Am I going to the right place? I check and check again and panic. I flap like nothing else over solo travel, even getting a bus into town involves a small amount of swallowing down some stress and getting on with it.

So I conquered that. I got from Manchester to Leeds to meet my friend. I got the right train with the right ticket and did ok. I got home ok too. I nailed it. I found a bit of my brave heart and did it. But where do I go now with this bravery?

I admit, part of it is bravery, but a big part of it is confidence. Somewhere along the line my confidence got crushed and turned my world small. So what’s next for me? Another train journey to a new place next week, yes, doing it. Taking up Tai Chi, yes, doing that too. Maybe travels further afield too? Who knows.

I have lots of lovely friends and I need to see them more, not just the ones who live within a mile of my house, but the ones who live five miles away, or 50 miles away, or even 150 miles away. I need to stop being alone so much and I need to spend time with the people who love me, the ones who I laugh with, the ones who I cry with, the ones who are friends without agenda.

So that’s my mid-year resolution to myself. Be brave. Be braver. Be a better friend. I’ll take my tiny coal of courage and confidence and run with it, make it bigger, make it bolder and the rest will come. I’m tired of living under a cloud of anxiety. I’m tired of drowning under a rising tide of panic. I’m tired of living this small life, so I’m not going to do it anymore.

My friend who died, he wouldn’t want me to live this small life. I know if he could read this he would be messaging me to say go for it, be brave, be bold, just bloody do it.

Mental Health: Burning out and fighting back

It’s been a while since I’ve written a post just about me and what’s going on inside my head, so I thought I’d write one. Actually, that’s a lie. I’m not writing this because everyone needs an update, I’m writing this because doing so would get a lot off my chest. I’m burning out and fighting back, sort of.

I’ve had a tough couple of months. May in particular was hard. I’ve been working over the last few years to be less anxious and less depressed and for the most part I was going ok. There has been the odd bump in the road, but returning to my self care routine and fighting everything usually pulls me out of the hole. 

May has been hard. I’ve been suffering from burnout. The boy was ill for nearly two months and the worry and stress took its toll. I work hard, probably too hard and I’m never off from work. I start early in the mornings and work till late at night and take little time for myself. There are a few other things going on too, but essentially I’ve been suffering from emotional and physical burnout. I’m spinning too many plates, struggling to keep up and it’s taking its toll.

The boys went away for a weekend and gave me a little bit of space, but it boiled down to two short evenings. It wasn’t enough but I missed them loads; proving that I’m complicated if nothing else. 

My anxiety has been through the roof, I’ve been angry at everything and everyone, I’m easily upset and oversensitive. I’ve tried to hide it all, but sometimes it spills out and without meaning to I upset people. I hate upsetting people and it just starts a weird shame, self-critical, low self esteem hate spiral which is hell on earth to get out of. 

Right now I seem like a happy and normal mum. Inside there’s all that shame, self criticism, low self esteem, hateful stuff I mentioned earlier. I hate that the careless words of strangers, or indeed of loved ones can have such an impact on me. My self esteem and self worth is an easily bruised peach and I’m feeling quite bruised and battered right now.

There’s no major plan for getting me back on an even keel. I know I need to not work as much and to take time out for myself sometimes. I know I need to look after myself more. Yes, I know I could probably do with some kind of digital detox, but that’s hard when the majority of your friends are based on twitter and you don’t want to feel more cut off than you already do.

It’s half term and we don’t have any major plans; go to the park, bake cakes, make crafts, watch telly, be excellent to one another. I’m trying not to stress, I’m trying not to let my anxiety personally attack me. I’m trying not to hit full burn out again. But I’m not well. I’m ok but I’m not well. I just need a regular afternoon off, a spa day, time with friends, time where my brain can switch off from everything and time to love and laugh again. Is that too much to ask? 

Mental Health: Burning out and fighting back

How I learned to talk positively to myself every day

Five years ago I was in a horrible place, physically and mentally I was broken. It’s taken a lot of hard work to get me back to the pretty good place I find myself in today. It was a long and at times painful road. The thing that really helped me back to wellness was talking positively to myself; or rather talking to myself with a more positive voice.

I have always talked about myself negatively. I have a negative voice in my head which tells me how terrible I am, how ugly I am and how useless my life is. My negative internal voice has always had a terrible impact on my self-esteem. I don’t think the negative voice will ever really go away, but when it pipes up, I make a point of trying to find some positive things to affirm myself with.

How I learned to talk positively to myself every day

Five years ago when I was in that dark dark place, a friend sat me down and gave me a talking to. I needed to start digging myself out of the dark hole I was in. Every morning I would text them a positive thing about me. Some days it was really hard to find a good thing to say about myself, some days were easier than others.

Each time I sent a positive text to my friend I also copied it into the notes on my phone. When I needed some positive affirmation I could look back and remember good things, good times and the days when I was stronger, better, happier and know that more of those good days were ahead of me.

I no longer send those positive texts and I don’t list the good things each day. There are times when I can feel my mood dipping; my anxiety rising and I know I need to put my positivity pants on again and I make a list. I list the good things I am grateful for. I list the good things about me and my life and I try to balance every negative thing my internal voice throws at me with something good, something better, something incredibly positive about me.

It’s not an easy habit to get into, but if you struggle with your own negative voice then getting into the habit of finding something nice about yourself every morning and writing it down can help you focus a little on the positives when everything may seem quite negative.

It helped me to have someone to text my affirmation to; someone who would come back to me and say I can do better, or that’s not positive enough. It helped me to have someone to be accountable to.

It’s not a magic bullet which will cure depression, anxiety or low self-esteem. Talking positively to yourself is a tool in your armory which can help and did help me. I really do credit this daily habit I kept up for almost a year for helping to drag me out of the absolute depths of my depression.

I’ve looked back at my talking positively list. Here are a few of my positive thoughts and affirmations from that time… 

  • I know I can and will survive what life throws at me.
  • Overthinking and dwelling is bad. I can stop it and I will.
  • I am so lucky to be as loved as I am.
  • It’s a beautiful day and full of possibilities.
  • I can make good things happen to myself.
  • There is nothing to panic about. Everything is ok.
  • People can’t hurt me unless I let them.

How I learned to talk positively to myself every day

Five ways to take some time out of your busy day

Where you’re busy working and looking after a family, if you’re anything like me, you’ll put yourself and your well-being in last place most of the time. I’m a spa junkie and a few times a year I’ll book a day and take myself off. Despite this, I know I need to take 10-15 minutes time out each day to keep some semblance of personal sanity in between spa visits.

If I’m being honest, it’s not always possible for me to take a full 15 minutes, sometimes I forget to put me first for just 1/96th of a day and the habit slips.

Part of my problem, and quite possibly yours too, is that I’m available to other people; friends, family, kids, the internet, every waking hour and sometimes in my non-waking hours too. It’s advisable to turn off phones, tablets and laptops at least an hour before bed. Apparently the blue light can stop us winding down properly and interfere with our sleep patterns. I’m terrible at doing this, but I’m going to try a bit harder.

Five ways to take some time out of your busy day

Here are my five ways to take some time out of your busy day. 

Meditate. I love to meditate. I don’t sit cross-legged on a rug, I generally make myself comfortable on the sofa, or curl up in bed and listen to a mediation app. Andrew Johnson has a great “Power Nap” meditation which lasts for half an hour and is usually enough to wind me down and then power me back up again. I’ve recently downloaded a couple of other apps – Calm and Headspace which are great for shorter bursts of meditation. Even just five or ten minutes can be enough to save your sanity; it’s important to let a little bit of peace and calm into your day.

Read a book. Finding 15 minutes during your day to sit down with a brew and a book. It’s a much better use of your time than you’d think. Transporting yourself to a fictional place and forgetting the state of the house for a few minutes can leave you refreshed and ready to crack on with whatever is waiting for you on the other side. Reading a book before bed is also an excellent way to wind down and stops you scrolling on your phone.

Have a bath. Have a bath, not just any bath, but one with nice fragrant oils or bubbles. Enjoy it in a room lit by candlelight with the door locked to stop invading children is a thing of beauty. I’ve had that kind of bath less than a handful of times over the past few years, but when I have, it’s always been incredibly relaxing. I have friends who manage this every night and their lives are genuinely enriched by having a peaceful bath before bed. Lucky them hey!

Listen to some music. sometimes I’m too agitated to focus on some meditation, so instead I listen to music. Music has the power to lift me up, calm me down, help me process anger or frustrations; it can make me sing and dance,  and it generally raises my spirits. Choose some music to fit your mood or give you what you need and lose yourself in it. For just 15 minutes sit and appreciate, or dance your socks off around the house. Whatever you need.

Go for a walk. I have a dog, so going for a walk is part and parcel of my day. Getting some fresh air, a bit of exercise and physically removing myself from the laptop and the mess in the kitchen does wonders for my mood. I know it’s not always easy to leave home to go for a walk; but even getting off at an earlier bus stop, or going for a quick walk during your lunch break can work wonders.

These are simple things that with a bit of effort you could fit into your day. So what have I done today to give myself some time out? I read a book for a while after lunch in front of the fire, and tonight I will be falling asleep listening to the Penguin Cafe Orchestra. Their music sends me off to sleep a treat, I say that in a good way!

How will you take 15 minutes time out today?

Five ways to take some time out of your busy day

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