Dear Ben,

Every November I sit down and write you a letter on your birthday. I write about all the things we’ve experienced in the previous 12 months, about the things you have learned, things you’ve loved and the way you’ve grown. You are my only child and although I’ve no one else to compare you to, I think you’re pretty smashing.

What a year it’s been for us both. It’s been a year of huge change, and sadness and learning life lessons along the way. It’s not a year we will forget quickly, and I imagine it will shape our lives for many years to come.

This time last year we were packing up the home you’d lived in since you were one. Your parents had divorced, so we sold our home and I was moving us into a flat for six months while I found a suitable house to buy. We loved the flat, it was handy for school and work, it was a lovely little adventure and it quickly became a great home for you, me and the dog.

After six months of living up three flights of stairs, we finally moved into a tiny terraced house, bought close enough for you to get to school quickly and near to the park to walk the dog easily. It’s tiny, but enough for us for now, and what’s more, it’s home and it’s safe. I’ve loved turning it from a house to our home, and working with you and helping put your stamp on it as well as mine is a beautiful thing.

For the last few years, we’d been watching my mum, your Nan and last remaining grandparent, battle cancer. She’d fought hard and we managed one last Christmas with her before she passed away in February this year. She died peacefully at home, loved and cared for, and very much missed. We were all heartbroken, but at the same time, glad that her battle was over and that she could rest now.

Two house moves in six months, and losing Nan meant I did struggle a bit, and I’m sorry for being sad and out of sorts for a while. I took some time off work to recover myself a bit, and to cheer us both up, I booked us on a mad holiday. It was a holiday I’d dreamed of taking you on for years.

In August we spent a wonderful week sailing on P&O’s cruise ship, Iona from Southampton to the Norwegian Fjords. We went to the top of a mountain and saw glaciers, we visited museums, went on tours, ate amazing food. We had the very best holiday and I’m so very glad I got to share that with you. I promise you that’s the first of many awesome holidays for us.

We’ve had adventures closer to home too. You still love trains and train journeys, so every chance we get (and while I still have a railcard) we go on a train based adventure. We’ve explored the Yorkshire Dales and the Ribblehead Viaduct. We’ve been to Southampton and back, we’ve been down to Birmingham New Street, visited Birmingham Moor Street and been on the smallest train line in the UK, from Stourbridge Junction to Stourbridge Town, a journey of just three minutes!

I couldn’t send you this letter without mentioning your love of Wigan Warriors and rugby in all its forms. It was a joy to watch the women’s rugby with you this summer, and I know one of the highlights of your year was meeting Morwenna Talling and having your photo taken with her. Sitting in the pub with you watching the final, both  of us a bit emotional at their win was a special memory for me in a few different ways.

We’ve always enjoyed going to the theatre together, and that’s one thing I’m trying to do more of with you. We loved Dear England and MC Grammar was an unexpectedly fun afternoon out. Part of the pleasure for me is watching your face as you take in new experiences. You may have grown into a man shaped human, but you’ve still got a lot of growing and learning to do, and I’m proud to walk by your side as you do this.

It’s been a tough year for you. Change is hard and there’s been a lot of it, but you seem to have weathered the storms we’ve endured in a way I really admire. You’re now starting your GCSEs and you’re smashing it as best you can. You make me proud every day, I mean, it couldn’t hurt to focus a bit more on your homework, but you’ve made a good start to Year 10.

What I most admire about you is your kindness. You spent several days over the October half term with a small gang of local children, sweeping the pavements and the roads in the local area. You’ve litter picked and unblocked drains. You’ve filled my garden waste bin ten times over, but you’ve made the street a tidier, cleaner and nicer place to be. The world needs more people like you, people who get things done. People who see a problem and they fix it. Thank you for that.

I really, really hope that the next year is more settled for you. I hope you continue to find your rhythm in life, that you carry on growing and gaining confidence. You’re doing so well in so many ways, so keep on being kind and helpful. Carry on being polite and engaging. Please continue being funny and a great friend. But also, you do need to focus on school and homework now, and start looking towards your future. You could do great things, and I hope you do.

I love you so much Ben, thank you for being my little mate for the last 15 years. I am so lucky to have you. Happy birthday to my best boy.

I love you always,

Mama xxx

As I sit and write this, you have two more weeks of being 13 years old. I’ll post this on my blog on your actual birthday, but two weeks ago I sat on my bed and thought about the last 50 weeks of your life.

Thirteen is universally regarded as a tough age, your body changes, your voice goes a bit weird and friendships and relationships can become more complex.

Physically you’re tall, strong and muscular for a young teen. You tower above your friends and most of your family. You’re growing into a fine looking young man and you’ve more or less mastered regular washing and daily deodorant, for which we are all grateful. I wish you’d get into the same daily habits with your homework, but there’s still some time.

For Christmas you got an electric shaver, because your moustache game is strong and you’re now enjoying, or not particularly enjoying a weekly shave. it often feels like every time I look at you, your features change a little, you’ve grown a bit more, or you’ve discovered some previously untapped wisdom.

Looking back, 2023/2024 has been a fun 12 months. You’ve been on a good selection of holidays, including the school trip to France, you’ve been to Devon, Scotland and Wales a massive six times. You’ve been on Scout camps, a heap of train days out, and other adventures galore.

You’ve developed a love of sports, and we’ve been to watch rugby matches, cricket, and ice hockey, you love basketball and all kinds of weird and wonderful sports, but rugby is your most favourite. As you read this, you’ll be fresh home from a surprise weekend in Cardiff, where you watched the Wales v Fiji Rugby match.

It’s hard to talk about the last year without acknowledging all the changes in our little lives. It’s been a difficult 12 months at home, with divorce, an imminent house move and ill health affecting our family, you’ve heard a lot of hard news and dealt with all of the changes beautifully. Everything in your life changing at the same time is difficult enough when you’re a fully fledged adult, never mind when you’re a teenager, but you just seem to be absolutely fine with everything, and I really admire how you’re handling things.

It’s been an absolute pleasure to watch you grow and change, and to be by your side throughout the last 12 months. You are genuinely hilarious, cheeky, clever, and occasionally very wise. You see the world in different ways to me, and I really appreciate the different perspectives you bring.

I love the way you bring me into your world, and together we’re exploring things I’d never have even looked at before. Our train adventures are brilliant fun, whether it’s just nipping up to Manchester Airport, or surprising you with a long distance trip to Edinburgh, your enthusiasm is infectious and I thank you for bringing such light into my life.

Benjamin, you are the very best human I know. I hope the next 52 weeks are more settled for you, and I hope you continue to find your stride as you move closer to adulthood. I hope you have the confidence to believe in yourself and what you do and to the best you can be in all things. I never ask for perfection, I only ask that you try as much as you’re able and to be open minded about everything.

To my best boy, happy 14th birthday. I love you to the moon and the stars and the planets and back!

Mama xx