Did my husband lose respect for me after I gave birth?

I’ve always been the strong one, the one with the good career, fairly good salary and in many respects the wearer of the trousers. It was a role which suited me just fine, every ship needs a Captain and I wore the Captain’s hat with style and aplomb. That was until I swapped it for my Mummy hat and my husband had to help steer the ship himself.

I recently read an interesting article where a man talked about how his wife’s caesarean made her a total badass. I shared it with him and we talked a little about the traumatic birth of our son and his swift arrival via an emergency caesarean. It occurred to me that seeing me at my most vulnerable; naked and frightened, screaming for help, being cut open to have our child wrenched from my body made him see me in a different light. Did my husband lose respect for me after I gave birth?

I think before I became a Mum he saw me as strong, and I had been strong for us both, but now I had to be strong for our son first and us as a couple second. I was hormonal and weepy and I’d never been a Mum before, so everything was new and I was totally winging it, we were winging it together. I was also wrestling with undiagnosed PTSD which made me anxious, vulnerable and hyper vigilant. A storm was brewing inside me and I could no longer steer our ship effectively.

I wasn’t the high functioning girl in love with her career anymore. I was an exhausted first time mum, struggling physically and mentally. I’d made and nurtured our tiny perfect son but in the process I’d changed and I’d probably lost his respect.

He denies losing respect for me following the birth of our child, but what’s clear is that something has changed, there’s been a significant shift in our dynamic. I’m no longer able to play the role of leader and breadwinner, but instead fulfil the role of Mother and carer. To me they are equally important roles, but to others they are somehow lesser and not as deserving of respect and status.

I’d always thought that giving birth would give me a badge of honour worthy of respect. It’s a rite of passage which can be natural and beautiful, but equally it can be traumatic and bloody. Experiencing that and seeing me go through the birthing process should be worthy of respect, but it showed me up to be the vulnerable human that I am, and that changed things.

respect

My Sunday Photo 17.4.16

I promise hand on heart that this photo hasn’t been edited or messed about with in any way. We’ve been on holiday in North Devon all week and this was taken on Westward Ho! beach. The tide was just going out and the spring sunshine was dancing on the wet sand and creating a beautiful sky-sand mirror. This photo was taken with my Nokia Lumia phone and I think it’s rather beautiful and a little like a watercolour painting.

The photo shows a silhouette of my husband as he approached an ancient shipwreck sticking out from the sand. We’d visited last year and had a good look at the wrecks and I was keen to see if they were still visible, which they are. You can read more about the history of the wrecks and see close up photos in this blog post from last year.

Why being disabled on holiday can be a real pain

As a slightly less able person (spinal injury, nerve damage, chronic pain), I need to pace myself and rest more often than I would normally. I have adapted my day to day life so that I’m able to manage myself properly, take my medication when I need to, rest and exercise appropriately and generally maximise my wellness. But holidays throw that tried and tested routine out of the window leaving me in more pain, more tired and out of my medication routine.

We are on holiday in North Devon. It’s one of our favourite places to visit and we come back year after year. But from Manchester it’s a minimum 5 hour journey. This time it took 6 hours, but it has taken 8 hours in bad traffic. Sitting in one position for 6-8 hours is bad for anyone, but with my ruined spine it gets very uncomfortable, then very painful and it takes days to recover from.

Once we get there, put me in an unfamiliar bed and I’m gobbling painkillers like they’re smarties. Combine that with a lack of routine, longer than usual walks which are usually on the beach on sand, shale or pebbles which are hard to walk on its all a bit ouchy. At home I can plan my week, if I’ve got an active day then I’ll make sure I’ve got a rest day after it. On holiday every day is an active day.

So what do my holidays look like? My holidays look like car parks. I often have to just sit in the car and rest while my painkillers kick in and the boys race off to do their thing. It makes me a bit sad that I can’t fully participate in holiday activities, but then I can’t always participate in normal life activities either. Stop moaning kid, these are the cards you’ve been dealt. Live with it.

Reading this back it makes me wonder why I bother going on a UK holiday at all. But it’s beautiful here and although I’m half cut on prescription painkillers most of the time, it’s nice to spend time with the boys, to get some sunshine and sea air and to take the boys out of their routine for a while. It’s hard enough being me and living with my limitations, it must be equally hard for them, so they deserve a holiday and a chance to relax and be free from my routine for a week or two.

Disabled on holiday — North Devon: so beautiful, but you can only access this beach via a cliff path.

My Sunday Photo 10.4.16

A last minute break in what we think is one of the most beautiful places on earth. Smack bang on the North Devon and Cornwall border this is Welcombe Mouth, with gorse and heather covered cliffs, it’s own waterfall, jagged rocks and great surfing. What’s not to love?

It is cold though. So very cold. Brrrrr.

Disabled on holiday

Horrible Histories – Incredible Invaders Tour

Fans of Horrible Histories will not be disappointed by the stage version of the hit TV series – Incredible Invaders. Billed as “family entertainment with the nasty bits left in” they’re not wrong.

The touring theatre production from The Birmingham Stage Company has two shows to choose from – Groovy Greeks and Incredible Invaders. We grabbed a family ticket to see Incredible Invaders and enjoyed a whistle-stop tour of 1,000 years of British history, complete with songs, dance routines and a lot of laughs.

From the Celts fighting back against the Ruthless Romans, to invasions from Savage Saxons, Vicious Vikings and No Nonsense Normans, Britain has a proud and glorious history of being invaded.

Incredible Invaders includes the usual Horrible Histories pastiche of TV series such as Grand Designs, Come Dine With Me and Great British Bake Off to name just a few. The fast paced production featuring historical heroes including Caratacus, Boadicea and King Alfred, as well as the Battle of Hastings, the building of Hadrian’s Wall and a 3D invasion of the Vikings.

Just like the TV series, it’s fast, it’s funny and it’s factual. Horrible Histories doesn’t skip over the less palatable bits of history, so there is a bit of gore and a few scares which makes this unsuitable for younger children. The second half comes in 3D (you can get a set of glasses during the interval) and the whole audience shrieks together as blood splatters, seagull poo, hissing snakes and rabid dogs all leap out towards you. If it gets too much you can always take your glasses off.

Horrible Histories is a show which adults and children can truly enjoy together, we all left feeling like we’d had a really fun evening and learned a little something about our horrible history. 1,000 years of history condensed into just 100 minutes of entertainment – amazing.

Incredible Invaders

Horrible Histories – Incredible Invaders is on tour throughout the UK. For tickets and information visit the Birmingham Stage Company website.

Review: Spring Cleaning with Bar Keepers Friend

I dislike cleaning but I like living in a nice clean house. When I clean I like to use things which will be quick and effective, leaving my kitchen and bathroom gleaming with minimal effort. I was sent a selection of cleaning products from Bar Keepers Friend to try out, so this weekend we set about cleaning our kitchen and bathroom to see if Bar Keepers Friend would help our house to sparkle.

Bar Keepers Friend was first launched in 1882 in America, where the story goes that in 1882 a chemist from Indianapolis noticed how clean and shiny his tarnished pot was after cooking rhubarb. Using an active ingredient that’s found in the plant he made a talcum smooth cleaner and sold it to the city’s taverns. It worked so well that it was called ‘Bar Keepers Friend’.

Bar Keepers Friend uses a blend of Oxalic Acid (found in rhubarb, parsley and chives) and a mineral base with surfactant to make one of the most popular cleaning brands in the UK.

bar keepers friend

We were sent the following products to try –

Bar Keepers Friend Stain Remover Powder: (250g, RRP: £2.99)
Bar Keepers Friend Power Cream – a superior cream formulation that “cleans where others fail”. For for cookware, kitchens and bathrooms (350ml, RRP: £2.99).
Bar Keepers Friend Power Spray – this easy-to-use format is for use in everyday cleaning situations, from kitchen and bathroom to stainless steel and glass (500ml RRP: £2.99).

Using the three products we tackled the kitchen and bathroom areas. We used the Bar Keepers Friend Power Spray in the kitchen, we cleaned the kitchen sink and hob with it and I was impressed with how shiny they were after use.

bar keepers friend

We didn’t have to deploy too much elbow grease either. They power spray cut through the dirt and with a little (and I mean a little) amount of buffing and soon the sink and hob were shining.

Hubs used the Bar Keepers Friend Stain Remover Powder on the kitchen floor. There were a couple of stubborn marks from some crafting we’d been doing in the kitchen (don’t ask) and they needed a bit of focussed attention rather than a waft over with my damp mop. The stain remover is a powder you sprinkle onto a damp cloth. I have to say we were both very impressed at how quickly the stain lifted from the floor and the shine it left afterwards. I can tell why this is their “original and best” product.

Lastly we had a go at the bathroom with the Bar Keepers Friend Power Cream. This was a white cream which we used with a damp cloth, cleaning all the nooks and crannies in and around the taps and in the basin and bath. I was really impressed at how bright and sparkly everything was afterwards. It’s so lovely I’m loathe to let the boys back into the bathroom again.

Bar Keepers Friend removes stubborn stains and cuts through mineral deposits, oil and grease, rust stains and everyday grime on stainless steel, tiles, ceramic, glass, plastic, chrome, brass, copper and other surfaces too.

I liked Bar Keepers Friend, I think it’s a fantastic range of products, especially for those times when your cleaning needs an extra boost and a bit of a stain lifting supercharge. I was genuinely surprised when those crafting marks came off the kitchen floor and both the kitchen sink and the bathroom were gleaming. I couldn’t fault it. I’ll be looking at rhubarb in an entirely different way from now on.

Bar Keepers Friend is available in Robert Dyas, B&Q, Lakeland, John Lewis, Waitrose, Ocado and a range of independent retailers. For more information visit the Bar Keepers Friend website.

Brunch at Neighbourhood in Manchester

Weekends are made for brunching. After a busy week of work, one of my favourite things is to go out for brunch with my boys, or meet some friends for a catch up over a plate of good eggs, endless coffee and maybe a breakfast cocktail or two. I was invited to a blogger brunch by Neighbourhood in Manchester, to try out their new brunch menu and sample a couple of breakfast mimosas.

Arriving early on a rainy Saturday morning, my fragrant friend Liz and I were ushered to a table near the bar. Neighbourhood was busy and buzzing, during the week I suspect it’s busy with ladies who lunch, business lunches and people going for after work drinks. It’s known for being a celebrity hang out and whilst we were there I did spy a couple of familiar faces from the TV.

We ordered drinks, tea and coffee and a couple of breakfast drinkies (rude not to) on offer were Bellinis and mimosas. We were there for a bloggers breakfast where some of the key dishes from the brunch menu were being showcased.

Neighbourhood

The first brunch item we tried were the buttermilk pancakes with whipped cream and chocolate sauce. The chocolate sauce was so glossy Mary Berry would have wept with joy. The stack of four buttermilk pancakes were smothered in the sauce and came with a small (too small?) dollop of whipped cream, the pancakes were sweet and good and I know my son would have gobbled them all up and then wanted to lick the plate clean afterwards.

Between pancakes and brunch we were brought a Breakfast Sandwich to sample which consisted of a toasted muffin, sausage, bacon and fried egg. The chef kindly made a vegetarian version for me which contained a nice crispy fried egg, spinach and mushrooms, although I can’t eat mushrooms so I had to take those out and give them to Liz. We both particularly enjoyed our crispy eggs and my spinach was well cooked and seasoned and was not watery.

Neighbourhood

We ordered our brunch proper, Liz plumped for the Full English which came with bacon, scrambled egg, black pudding, sausages, tomato, baked beans and toast. One of the failings of the brunch menu for me is the lack of vegetarian options, thankfully the kitchen were happy to specially make me my own veggie brunch which consisted of two buttermilk pancakes, scrambled egg, tomato, baked beans, spinach and mushrooms.

Neighbourhood

There were some very lovely elements to my breakfast. The scrambled egg was among the best I’ve had, I loved the sauteed spinach which was perfectly seasoned. I found the pancakes an unusual addition, but actually they worked well but could have perhaps done with a dab of salty butter on them. The beans were beans but served in a pot to appease the “don’t let my baked beans touch any of my food” crowd. I was slightly less keen on the tomato, which although it was perfectly cooked, had a garlicky aftertaste which seemed to throw off the balance of flavours on my plate a little.

I had to give my mushrooms to Liz because they make me poorly, she was not unhappy with this. There was a really interesting mix of mushrooms on offer, they’d been well cooked and seasoned and smelt so good. Shame I couldn’t eat more than a tiny nibble.

Neighbourhood

Neighbourhood is a bustling busy place, and the staff were just the right amount of friendly, chatty and helpful. I think the new Neighbourhood brunch menu is solidly interesting, with some crowd pleasers on there. I’m a little disappointed that there isn’t a vegetarian option listed on their menu, I know you can always ask for them to make something for you, but if it’s not on the menu then as a vegetarian I’d probably be put off by that. It’s such a shame, especially as the veggie brunch I had I would happily order again.

Neighbourhood is located on The Avenue North, Spinningfields, Manchester. Their brunch menu is available on weekends 10am to 2pm. Visit their website for more information or to view their menu.

We were invited guests of the restaurant and were not asked to pay for our food or drink. Nevertheless, all images and opinions are my own.

Foodie Firsts – Cooking with Tofu

Despite being a vegetarian for the last 27 years there is one ingredient I’ve always been afraid to cook with, but it is one of my favourite foodie things – tofu.

I’ve bought the ready pressed tofu, marinated and ready to use, but never a block of tofu, white and perfect and ready to be transformed into a thousand different dishes. I was asked by Morinaga if I’d like to try their silken firm tofu, and I knew it was time I stopped being a bit afraid of pressed soy puree and just tried cooking with it.

Morinaga tofu

After consulting a friend who is a vegan chef, he told me I’d need to press the Morinaga tofu. This was an easy job, you just take it out of its packet and put it on a plate, place a flat plate or board over the top and put a couple of tins of beans on there for an hour or two. The tofu should let out quite a lot of liquid which you just discard. Then it is ready to use however you want. Morinaga tofu Tofu tastes of nothing but is incredibly good at absorbing other flavours, so it’s perfect for marinading in whatever you like. It’s also low fat, high-protein, dairy and gluten-free.

I like tofu when it’s got a crispy crust, so I pressed and drained my tofu for a couple of hours and cut it up into bite sized chunks. I put some plain flour in a bowl and seasoned it generously with salt, pepper and chilli flakes, I gently tossed the tofu in that, taking care because it is quite delicate. I put a generous tablespoon of groundnut oil in a frying pan and added a splash of chilli oil and heated it up until it was very hot and fried the tofu, turning often until it was golden and crispy.

I’m a bit lazy when it comes to stir-frys, I often just buy a ready made packet of stir fry vegetables and stir-fry them with soy sauce, honey and some sweet chilli sauce, toss through some noodles and add a handful of chopped coriander and serve. Only this time I added my fried tofu at the end and it was delicious. Seriously delicious!

Morinaga tofu

Now I’ve tried the fresh tofu there is no way I’m going back to the ready made stuff which seems dull and chewy in comparison. The Morinaga silken firm tofu was perfectly crispy on the outside but soft and yielding on the inside. It was as good a tofu as I’d had in restaurants and I was impressed by how good it was, I didn’t think I’d be able to recreate it as I had done.

As a vegetarian I know that tofu is a good source of protein and contains iron and calcium, as well as a range of other essential vitamins and minerals. Morinaga tofu currently costs £1.24 for a 349g packet in ASDA and does not need to be stored in the fridge, though it does once it’s been opened, but it wouldn’t last that long in my house anyway.

If you’ve never cooked with tofu before, do not be afraid. Now I’ve tried it there is no going back for me, my little foodie mind is whirring away with tofu ideas and potential recipes. Do you have a favourite tofu recipe?

Morinaga silken firm tofu available in the ambient aisle of Sainsbury’s and ASDA. For more information visit their website or Facebook page.

We were sent some Morinaga silken firm tofu to try for ourselves. All images and opinions are our own.

Well-Being: Experiencing an AromaTouch Massage

Earlier this year my local holistic health centre, Healthyspirit in South Manchester added a new massage treatment to their already impressive list – AromaTouch. I was keen to find out more, and when a friend tried it and recommended it I knew I had to get myself booked in.

The massage sounded blissful, “a light relaxing massage technique of applying therapeutic grade essential oils to produce a profound whole-body experience. The many benefits of this massage include stress management, immune support, and support of your body’s autonomic balance. AromaTouch enhances essential oils activity and stimulates known body meridians and energy zones, while balancing body systems and function.”

I was shown up to the Crystal Room, a cosy and comfortable therapy room at Healthyspirit. The therapist, Helen Scott sat down and talked me through the treatment and asked me some questions about my physical and emotional health. I explained about my spinal injury and Helen reassured me that it was very gentle and the massage wouldn’t hurt me. We talked about how I was feeling at the moment and the reasons why I was feeling stressed and under pressure. Helen then left the room while I got ready for the massage and made myself comfortable on the massage table.

AromaTouch

As Helen would be touching my back, ears and feet, I lay on my front covered in a warm towel. I had taken my jewellery, clothes and socks off, but she let me keep my leggings on as I was comfortable wearing them.

Helen began by getting me to breathe deeply several times to relax me, and as soothing music played in the background she gently and rhythmically massaged a series of essential oils into my back. Her hands felt like warm waves moving from my spine to my side, very gentle, but with each application of oil I could feel some of my stresses being stroked out of me.

Several different essential oils were used on me in a specific sequence, after each one was applied Helen would massage the oils into my back in that same wave like motion. It was blissful and I was incredibly comfortable, almost dosing off at one point.

Helen then moved onto my feet, applying peppermint and orange essential oils to them, she massaged them using a gentle rhythmic motion and I felt incredibly relaxed, I didn’t want it to stop. I have eczema on my feet which wasn’t a problem and Helen double checked if I was happy for essential oils to be applied before she started, which I was.

The AromaTouch massage was incredible. Afterwards I felt a bit woozy so I sat for a while and sipped some water. I often feel this way after a particularly relaxing treatment. Helen suggested I have a bath the following day so that the oils could stay on my skin for as long as possible, so I went home and snuggled under a blanket for a few hours whilst I enjoyed feeling blissfully relaxed.

The AromaTouch massage is currently £35 for an hour long massage. It’s very gentle and soothing, but I’ve rarely felt so deeply relaxed. The effects lasted for quite a few days and it was gentle enough that my rickety spine felt no ill effects afterwards. AromaTouch is so pampering and blissful, if you need some time out from life for an hour, a serious stress release or a pamper I can very much recommend this treatment.

The AromaTouch massage is available from Healthyspirit in South Manchester. For more information and to book, visit their website.

Putting Pharma Nord supplements to the test

With what’s being called the “Liverpool Lurgy” sweeping across the country in recent weeks, I’ve felt it prudent to step up my vitamin intake. The Liverpool Lurgy is a nasty lingering virus which is knocking people for six, and I can do without that right now. I’m a big believer in taking Zinc to ward off colds and when I was asked by Pharma Nord, Northern Europe’s largest manufacturer of pharmaceutical grade vitamins and supplements if I’d like to sample some of their supplements, top of my list were their Zinc lozenges.

The lozenges are Pharma Nord’s Bio-InfluZinc + C supplement (the pink box below). They contain Zinc and a natural source of vitamin C taken from Acerola cherry extract. Zinc and Vitamin C contribute to the normal function of the immune system. The Zinc lozenges deliver the active ingredients to the mucous membranes in the mouth and throat, you dissolve them slowly in the mouth and you can take 3-6 of them a day. They suggest that a high intake of Zinc may be useful for brief periods of 7-10 days if you feel a cold coming on. Zinc can reduce the length and severity of your cold.

pharma nord

The Bio-InfluZinc + C supplement costs around £7.99 for a box of 90 tablets. You don’t have to take them every day, just when you feel you might be coming down with something and also whilst you have your cold. You can chew or suck these lozenges, whichever suits you. They have a mild and pleasant orange flavour and they’re not chalky in texture, so I quite enjoyed taking them.

About 10 days ago I started to come down with a cold, whenever I get a cold it tends to fairly quickly turn into tonsillitis, something I’m understandably keen to avoid. As soon as I started to feel unwell I started to take the lozenges. I was pleasantly surprised when after three days my sore throat just disappeared and didn’t turn into something nasty. I can’t be absolutely sure that the zinc lozenges helped, but it’s the first time in a couple of years I’ve not ended up on antibiotics. I’ll definitely be keeping a box of the Pharma Nord Bio-InfluZinc + C supplements on hand in future.

Pharma Nord also let me try their Bio-MSM + Silica tablets. These came in a box of 120 tablets and retail for around £12.95. The Bio-MSM + Silica tablets contain MSM (methyl sulphonyl methane) and Silica. MSM is a naturally occurring organic sulphur-containing substance, which is found in grain products, legumes, eggs and red meat. Vegetable Silica, an extract of the herb horsetail grass, is a natural source of the essential trace mineral silicon.

The MSM +Silica tablets are taken to help the formation of bone and collagen in connective tissue and for healthy skin, hair and nails. MSM and silica help maintain the flexibility of joints and arteries. As someone with a bad back and the general aches and pains which come with age, I thought these would be a good supplement to take, plus I’d heard they could be helpful in reducing period pain, something I do suffer with. These tablets are suitable for vegans and vegetarians which is fantastic for me as a lot of supplements with these benefits are not vegetarian.

Pharma Nord

You take two of the Bio-MSM + Silica tablets each day. They’re a good shape for swallowing and I had no problems taking them. I often find I gag on large tablets but these were not too big for me. You take these with water and I didn’t find they left an aftertaste or anything like that.

I always find the effects of taking vitamins and supplements very difficult to quantify, they generally take a month or so to take effect. It’s hard for me to say for certain what has changed for me over the last month of taking the tablets. I have a vague feeling that skin and eczema are a little better and that my period pain was less than in the previous month. I suspect I’ll have to take the tablets for a little while to really notice a difference, but I’m feeling positive that small improvements are on the horizon.

Pharma Nord supplements are pharmaceutical grade and their effectiveness has been rigorously tested. I’m cautious about making any claims, but I will continue taking the Bio-MSM + Silica and I’ll see how I get on with them, and I’ll be keeping a box of the Pharma Nord Bio-InfluZinc + C supplements close at hand from now on.

You can see the full range of Pharma Nord supplements on their website.

I was sent these Pharma Nord supplements to try out for review purposes. All images and opinions are my own.